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With stress and anxiety at an all-time high these days, it's more important than ever to find ways to process our difficult emotions. This goes beyond simply finding ways to cope and self-soothe, although these are also important.

Part of processing emotions in a healthy way is taking time to actually feel our feelings rather than immediately springing to "manage" or get rid of them. When we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and identify what they are and where they come from, we can start to understand more about ourselves and our core needs.

Sexuality doula and sex educator Ev'Yan Whitney recently shared with us one particularly tactile way of doing this that can easily be done from home: sensual dance meditation. Think of it as a type of mindfulness-based, unstructured movement that allows you to fully be in your body—and your emotions.

How sensual dance can help process emotions.

If you instinctively bristle at the idea of dancing, just stay with me here!

Many of us tense up just thinking about dancing—because we feel self-conscious, because it perhaps feels silly, or because it's just not something we normally do. But sensual dance meditation, as Whitney conceives of it, isn't about performance, skill, or any structure at all really. This type of dancing is actually less about the dancing itself and more about tuning into yourself and your emotions. It's giving those emotions an outlet through which they can be expressed.

"Using dance or some kind of movement to move out that energy, to move out the anxiety, the fear, the lack of self-worth, the lack of self-confidence, is just a great way to connect to ourselves," Whitney tells me. "Emotions want to be moved out. That's why they call it e-motion."

Whitney says her dance meditations are often a mix of both joy and pain. "It's like getting more clear about what is underneath the surface... Allowing ourselves to feel sadness. Allowing ourselves to feel regret."

Dancing—when practiced mindfully and intuitively rather than performatively for others—can essentially be a way to move emotions that are stagnant in the body. You know that feeling of being overwhelmed, like your whole body feels heavy or weighed down by stress? Movement can help to relieve some of that pressure. While taking a walk or exercising shares some similar benefits with dancing, more unstructured movement taps into your intuition. You move the way you want to move, based on how you're feeling. In this way, emotions can be expressed more freely.

"There's something about just allowing our bodies to move the way our bodies want to move, without judgment, without trying to do any choreography," she explains. "When I dance, I give my body permission to do what it wants to do, to show up the way it wants to show up, to feel and emote in a way that it wants to feel and emote."

 

How to try it.

Whitney regularly leads sensual dance meditations on her Instagram if you want a little guidance, but she offers this exercise if you'd like to try it on your own:

1. Put on a song or two that gets you moving.

You may consider putting together a short playlist on songs you resonate with. They can be songs that you know. The idea is simply that each song "automatically and intuitively gets you moving, and then your body just does the rest."

Whitney adds, "They don't have to be fast songs. I actually like to play with both slow songs and fast songs because it just gives my body different ways to experience and to feel. But put on a song and just dance to it."

2. Be mindful as you move.

This is not necessarily supposed to be like "ooh, I love my body, and I'm moving it, and it feels so good!"

Although it might totally be like that when you're feeling great, this exercise is about getting in touch with any emotions you're feeling—positive and negative.

"Just say, whatever comes up, however my body wants to move, I'm going to let it move, and I'm going to be very mindful in the dancing. I'm just going to dance it out," Whitney says.

She recommends prompting yourself with questions as you move: What emotions are coming up for me in this moment? As I move my arms like this, what emotion wants to be released? As I move my hips like this, what am I shaking loose?

"Even if the questions can't be prompted, I always remind people that remembering to breathe is enough," Whitney adds. "Just connect to the breath."

3. Don't overthink it.

Try not to get caught up in thinking about how to move your arms or your hips. No one's watching you.

If you're struggling to get out of your head, Whitney again recommends just focusing in on your breath. When you focus on breathing and paying careful attention to the feeling of the air moving in and out through your lungs, you're better able to connect with your body. "It can be a really great way to disconnect a little bit from your brain, from that self-talk, and just really get into the flow of that movement," she says.

4. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

Notice whatever emotions come up. They might sound like: I'm feeling scared. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling like I should be doing better right now.

Just notice them.

"I use dance as a way to move those emotions out," Whitney says. "Maybe they're not moved out completely, but just to get them moving. It helps to invite other new and more possible energies in like hope, joy, pleasure, things like that."

How to relax for stress relief

 

Historically, relaxation has often been associated with “wasting time”, however, this is something we need to shake. Regular relaxation and stress management are important for physical and emotional health. Here are a few tips on how to relax your body and mind…

If your body’s stress response is triggered throughout the day and if it doesn’t know how to return to its regular state of relaxation afterwards, you may find yourself in a state of chronic stress.

Chronic stress is the type of stress that can do a lot of damage to your health, contributing a whole host of stress-related health problems, including heart disease, the common cold, and high blood pressure, just to name a few. Learning relaxation techniques can help you restore your body to its natural state when you’re feeling stressed and will help you deal with stress in a healthy way in future. If you can become less reactive to the stressors that you face and can recover more quickly from it if you do react, your body and mind will thank you for it.

Relaxation can occur when you’re taking some downtime, i.e. sitting in a comfy chair, reading a good book. But sometimes it’s helpful to have a more structured plan for relaxation as, in the face of stress, you’ll have a whole toolbox ready to help you recover. It will also mean you actively choose strategies that build resilience rather than merely distracting you from what’s creating stress for you on a given day. Learning to relax your body and your mind can be more effective than either one on its own, obviously.

How to relax

Here are some of the best relaxation strategies you can use to combat stress…

Breathe

Breathing exercises should be your first line of defence against stress. The beauty of these for relaxation is that they can be used anytime, anywhere, and they work quickly. They’re also very easy to master. Start with deep breathing. To do this, breathe in through your nose and feel your chest fill with air. Then, breathe out through your nose. As you do so, place one hand on your belly and another on your chest. Focus on feeling your belly and chest rise as you breathe in, and fall as you breathe out.  

Meditation

How to relax: Meditation

The wonderful thing about practising meditation is that it allows you to “let go” of everyday worries and literally “live in the moment.” People who meditate regularly report improvements physically, mentally, and spiritually, using it as a technique to not only combat stress but prevent it in the first place. To begin a meditation practice, you will need to find a quiet spot, away from the phone, television, friends, family, and other distractions. Meditation practices often involve learning breathing or mantra techniques. Initially, your mind may wander when you first start meditating, but by training your mind to focus on the moment, you will feel relaxed and more centred. Most experts recommend meditating for about 20 to 30 minutes at a time. Beginners may find it difficult to meditate for this length at first, but don’t despair. It will become easier once you are meditating regularly.

Music

Playing music is a great way to relieve stress and promote relaxation. When at work, keep a pair of headphones at your desk so you can enjoy your music for yourself. This technique often helps to provide a safe space to help you to recharge, even if you are in a room full of people. Because music brings real benefits in terms of wellness (music therapy is a growing field), it can be conveniently used effectively for relaxation as well. 

Exercise

How to relax: Exercise

It may seem that exercise is the opposite of relaxation, but a good workout can actually make you feel more relaxed afterwards for a few reasons. First, working out can be a good way to release stress and blow off steam. Second, the endorphins released during a good workout can aid relaxation quite nicely. Additionally, exercise can get you into a state of flow where it’s difficult to stay stressed—your body has to move toward relaxation as your stress response begins to reverse.

Have Fun

Yes, these relaxation methods don’t all have to be clinical and practised. Letting loose and having fun with your family and friends is an excellent way to relieve stress and experience relaxation. Most people don’t prioritise this as an important part of life—they don’t fit time for it in their busy schedules because they don’t realise the value of fun for balance as well as physical and emotional health. So schedule some downtime in your calendar, it’s just as (if not more) important than any other pressing matter.

If you focus on stress management regularly, in a relatively short time you can learn to more easily relax when you need to, and build resilience toward stress.

Read more: A relaxed body promotes healthy eating

Published in breath + calm + mind